The bardo of the changing moment
in the apprenticeship of Ngala Rig‘dzin Dorje
This is the first photograph that Ngak’chang Rinpoche took
for his files after I had requested to be considered for apprenticeship – and been accepted.
When I told Ngak’chang Rinpoche that I wished to become his student – I said I wanted
to follow in his footsteps, to which Ngak’chang Rinpoche replied:
But my feet are
both short and wide – and furthermore display the major indications of Friedrich‘s
Ataxia.
Ngak’chang Rinpoche has always employed humour to give opportunities for
space. At the time I write this, an extremely recent image comes to mind – Ngak’chang
Rinpoche approaching me with a boot tree which he wriggled as if it were a snake. The apprentice to
whom I had been speaking found this most amusing – and I must have seemed suitably perplexed
for
Ngak’chang Rinpoche to say: I thought it might be useful to distract from the cogent
intellectual thrust of your non-empirical dialectic.
Such is the basis of Vajrayana –
emptiness.
What I meant was that I wanted to travel the path in the direction of wearing
the white skirt. I was not going to embrace, newly, such a vast tradition unless I could commit to
it entirely. I was trying to find words to express how inspired I felt already by Ngak’chang
Rinpoche’s appearance in the robes and accoutrements of the gö kar chang-lo’i de.
I did
not yet realise what a priority it was for Ngak’chang Rinpoche in this life to establish
disciples who were prepared to do exactly that. Perhaps this explains why he followed up his joke
by looking at me with a seriousness that took me aback as profoundly as his humour, and said:
… In that case, maybe something can be done.
In more recent, more articulate times, I have been able to say to Ngak’chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen – face to face – that I relate to them as visionary appearances; as Vajrayana in person.